The Book of Exodus reports Moses took the ten commandments from God atop Mt. Sinai, since he was atop a Mountain it is obvious Moses was a skier! From one of his ski trips he came back with the Skier 20 Commandments.
The Skier 20 Commandments are your signposts to becoming a more awesome skier, study well these rules and go forth and ski-vangelize the world in the skier rules so that you may grin knowing that you will have less carping to deal with during ski season!
Amen, amen I say to thee, these Skier 20 Commandments are PG-13 and not safe for work.
- Thou shalt not have boards before the ski.
- Watch Thine Ski Pole Tips
- Learn Ye How to Tuck
- Learn How To Carry Your Gear
- Harden the Fuck Up
- Thine Fashion Style Doth Not Count (for much)
- Limit Bragging About Thy NASTAR finishes
- Act Quickly to Board Your Chair
- Just as quickly as you board the chair begone from the unloading zone!
- Enjoy the Act of Removing Thine Ski Boots in Silence
- Your Crashes are Moments of Notoriety Relish Them!
- Rate the Crashes You See and Report Your Rating Aloud!
- Give the Gift of Skiing
- Ski Alone
- Assist Crashed Skiers and Boarders
- Eat Not the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large chu…
- Seek Ye Beer of Quality Not Quantity
- Be Not a Beer Snob
- Be Not a Lame Chair Conversationalist
- Thou Shalt Not Speak in sklichés
Skier 20 Commandments
Thou hast not yet attained ski perfection that you can take your focus away to learn another snowcraft. Stay thou on the path to ski-righteousness.
Spear not others nor their gear!
Lest ye become bejeweled with cell phone tower gear.
For parking lot yard-sales are an abomination.
Quit thy whining about the weather, the snow conditions, the liftlines, the food, or any other matter. Thou must harden, prepare, or gear the fuck up!
The only appearance thou shouldst worry about is the appearance of thine skiing. However, don’t appear as a jerry.
Keep thine brags short, five seconds or less (strive for zero).
Those who doze when it is there turn to board a chair forfeit their right to that chair!
For the skiers behind will run thou over like a dog.
Otherwise snowboarders may believe you do not like to ski
If you are not crashing you are not trying!
Make others aware of their moment of ski hill notoriety!
Always give skiing related gifts to thine skiing buddies. This will help others to observe Commandment Number Five. Giving the gift of baselayers, gloves, balaclavas, etc will help thine buddies toughen the fuck up when it comes to cold weather.
If not one of thy buddies wants to ski then ski alone, and above all don’t hold back your buddies because you are afraid to take on terrain too difficult for your ski-skills, release them and ski on your own.
Render all necessary assistance to crashed skiers and boarders if possible, but only after providing them their crash rating.
Eat well so that ye may ski well!
Choose wisely thine beer.
Thy preference for quality beer must not reduce thee to a beer snob, beer offered by another is a wondrous thing. Be not afraid of commodity beer!
Engage your chairmates (friends or otherwise) in interesting conversation and be not creepy nor a pervert.
If you can not speak originally then speak plainly and if you can not speak plainly then do not speak at all!!
Yes, the inspiration is The Velominati’s The Rules for cyclists
What Skier Commandment Would you add?