Skier 20 Commandments

Language Warning

Jeremy Tansue is Hardened Up!
Jeremy Tansue is Minding Commandment 5!
The Book of Exodus reports Moses took the ten commandments from God atop Mt. Sinai, since he was atop a Mountain it is obvious Moses was a skier! From one of his ski trips he came back with the Skier 20 Commandments.

The Skier 20 Commandments are your signposts to becoming a more awesome skier, study well these rules and go forth and ski-vangelize the world in the skier rules so that you may grin knowing that you will have less carping to deal with during ski season!

Amen, amen I say to thee, these Skier 20 Commandments are PG-13 and not safe for work.

    Skier 20 Commandments

  1. Thou shalt not have boards before the ski.
  2. Thou hast not yet attained ski perfection that you can take your focus away to learn another snowcraft. Stay thou on the path to ski-righteousness.

  3. Watch Thine Ski Pole Tips
  4. Spear not others nor their gear!

  5. Learn Ye How to Tuck
  6. Lest ye become bejeweled with cell phone tower gear.

  7. Learn How To Carry Your Gear
  8. For parking lot yard-sales are an abomination.

  9. Harden the Fuck Up
  10. Quit thy whining about the weather, the snow conditions, the liftlines, the food, or any other matter. Thou must harden, prepare, or gear the fuck up!

  11. Thine Fashion Style Doth Not Count (for much)
  12. The only appearance thou shouldst worry about is the appearance of thine skiing. However, don’t appear as a jerry.

  13. Limit Bragging About Thy NASTAR finishes
  14. Keep thine brags short, five seconds or less (strive for zero).

  15. Act Quickly to Board Your Chair
  16. Those who doze when it is there turn to board a chair forfeit their right to that chair!

  17. Just as quickly as you board the chair begone from the unloading zone!
  18. For the skiers behind will run thou over like a dog.

  19. Enjoy the Act of Removing Thine Ski Boots in Silence
  20. Otherwise snowboarders may believe you do not like to ski

  21. Your Crashes are Moments of Notoriety Relish Them!
  22. If you are not crashing you are not trying!

  23. Rate the Crashes You See and Report Your Rating Aloud!
  24. Make others aware of their moment of ski hill notoriety!

  25. Give the Gift of Skiing
  26. Always give skiing related gifts to thine skiing buddies. This will help others to observe Commandment Number Five. Giving the gift of baselayers, gloves, balaclavas, etc will help thine buddies toughen the fuck up when it comes to cold weather.

  27. Ski Alone
  28. If not one of thy buddies wants to ski then ski alone, and above all don’t hold back your buddies because you are afraid to take on terrain too difficult for your ski-skills, release them and ski on your own.

  29. Assist Crashed Skiers and Boarders
  30. Render all necessary assistance to crashed skiers and boarders if possible, but only after providing them their crash rating.

  31. Eat Not the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large chu…
  32. Eat well so that ye may ski well!

    Beer Après Ski
    Quality Beer!
  33. Seek Ye Beer of Quality Not Quantity
  34. Choose wisely thine beer.

  35. Be Not a Beer Snob
  36. Thy preference for quality beer must not reduce thee to a beer snob, beer offered by another is a wondrous thing. Be not afraid of commodity beer!

  37. Be Not a Lame Chair Conversationalist
  38. Engage your chairmates (friends or otherwise) in interesting conversation and be not creepy nor a pervert.

  39. Thou Shalt Not Speak in sklichés
  40. If you can not speak originally then speak plainly and if you can not speak plainly then do not speak at all!!

Yes, the inspiration is The Velominati’s The Rules for cyclists

What Skier Commandment Would you add?

Good Stuff!

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